Wedding season is essentially over. It’s cold, dreary, and unless someone gets pregnant, you’re probably not going to a wedding for the next little while. Chances are though, you went to at least one wedding this summer; and if there was an open bar, you got to see all kinds of kinds.

After an enlightening breakfast seminar with Craig Alexander, Chief Economist at TD Bank, last Friday morning, this blog post almost wrote itself. Craig described the overall real estate market in Canada, as an open bar. It’s traditionally a good thing, but the odd person goes overboard with varying degrees of consequence. Well, if that’s the case, then the condo markets in various cities are their own cast of characters.

At this open bar wedding we call the Canadian condo market, let’s grab a spot at that prime table between the bar and the dance floor and see who showed up. People watching can be a great time.

Vancouver: Who’s that guy? The one with an extra undone button or two? Fedora? Probably. Don’t worry about that him, that’s just Darrell (Or Darren, or Doug). I think he’s the bride’s dad’s friend. You know, the one all the kids call “uncle” but mostly because he’s older & drives a Mustang, and not because you put much stock into his guidance as an adult. He keeps reaching under his table and whipping out a fresh, cold Sapporo every 15 minutes or so. He also seems to have the inside track on shots of Russian Prince, but maybe it’s just optics. Regardless, it’s an open bar, and yet the guy is pulling this booze from anywhere and everywhere to keep an already roaring party going.

Vancouver’s real estate market features the highest percentage of cash purchases in North America. It’s also has the 4th highest sales of Mercedes-Benz cars in the world. The money? It’s not Canadian. It’s from Eastern Asia, an alternative to communist bank accounts or mattress stuffing. Like Darrell’s life skills, it’s all a facade. Side note: In reality, the guy was probably drinking something pretentious like Corona Light, but I changed the booze to fit the analogy. Sorry guys.

Calgary: We all know the bride’s kid brother had to feign interest through the ceremony, probably wishing he could just sit down. But after taking the obligatory 5th groomsman role, that wasn’t an option. Thankfully, 4 hours of photography later, it’s finally paid off. Now 19, and at his first open bar from the looks of things, this kid is pounding Coors Lights like they’re going out of style. The bar is fully stocked, he’s mixed in about 4 Red Bulls, and the night is young. My money’s on him to be the king of the dance floor about 11:30.

Even with the recent decline in oil prices, Calgary’s (and Edmonton’s) booming housing market is in it for the long haul. Relatively new to the dance, these markets are backed by real Canadian dollars, natural resources and when people are making $25/hour to pour coffee, naturally they can’t build fast enough to keep up with demand. Being young and free is the greatest.

Toronto: *Clinking Glass* Oooh, speeches. The moment of truth where we see just how hammered the Best Man is. The groomsmen’s gifts were flasks, and between that & cutting the bar line, this guy’s been to the well a few times. He’s got that slight lean thing happening, and his blinks are about 3 times longer than maybe they should be. We’re about 30 seconds away from either one of the finest clutch performances of public speaking or, the more likely, tales of crossing swords and poop jokes.

Toronto condos are the definition of a hot-button topic. People with no interest in real estate know about the Toronto real estate market, and absolutely have an opinion on it. Just like everybody somehow knows the Best Man, Toronto is top of mind in any real estate discussion. The speech equates to the inevitable rise in interest rates once the USA ends it quantitative easing processes and bond rates begin to rise. Then we’ll see how well the leveraged Toronto market withstands the jump in borrowing costs and the negative media attention that goes with it. Will prices hold? Only time will tell. But like the chances of the Best Man’s story not involving feces, I’m not wholly optimistic.

Kitchener: Unable to track down a bottle of sulfite-free, organic wine, the groom’s buddy (We’ll call him Gregory. Why not?) settles into dinner with a neat single-malt scotch. Despite the fact that nobody under 50 would ever do that, Gregory doesn’t care. He likes the taste, and by that, we all mean pretends to. Tequila shots and beer are too mainstream for this guy, and hey, it’s an open bar, he might as well go to town. That houndstooth tie screams “I’m better than you”, and we all know he believes it.

Condos? Pssh, lofts are where its at. At least according to every 21st century developer in Kitchener & into Waterloo. Arrow, Bauer, Seagram, Kaufman, the list goes on. Why build a new building where a house or parking lot was when we can just gut this old building with really high ceilings, huge windows and beautiful exposed brick? Actually, this does seem like an incredibly good idea. At a higher PPSF, the aforementioned buildings can justify it with stunning layouts that command deserved attention.

Waterloo: Ol’ Gramps is a bona fide member of the old boys’ club. He’s been around the block in his 60 plus years, so the only thing left to do is hit on good-looking 20-somethings. Just like the beer cart girls at the course, he’s overtipping to the tune of $5 bucks a Molson 50, just to get that blonde to smile. Sorry old gals, this suave gentleman’s only got eyes for the youngins. So what if he swings and misses? I doubt he really cares at this point. It’s all about this one night, so damn if Albert won’t enjoy himself.

Has anyone driven King St. North lately?! Holy. More and more student residences, admittedly of various types of ownership, but lets be honest; Waterloo developers are going to play the student angle until they’re blue in the face. If your kid doesn’t go to U of W, your money’s no good here. And you know what? More power to them. As the student population swells, so too will their profits. Who cares if the units don’t have balconies or functional layouts. Once they’re sold, they’re no longer the developers’ problem, so quick and cheap will be the way of the near future. More money for developers’ Lincolns & green fees. What happens as Universities shift to online entities? That’s the buyers’ problem to figure out.

Guelph: Is that suit from Men’s Warehouse? Sure it is. The bride’s cousin’s in University, so he’s working on a budget. Cut him some slack. He’s been clutching that fiver and looking at the bar longingly for an hour. His brother comes by with a drink and I’m no lip reader, but it’d seem he just realized it’s an open bar. Hah, yep. He stuffs the fiver, which now looks like it was his drink budget for the night, into his all-too-shiny suit pocket and dashes to order an Old Milwaukee, only to find real beers are also an option.

Just like this poor kid, Guelph finally realized that high-rise condos are a thing, and damn if they don’t taste better than the condo equivalent of Old Milwaukee. Granted, the condos Guelph had been working with are better than no condos, and certainly part of a healthy real estate mix. But just because we can build a bunch of 4-storey (soon to be 6-) wood frame, middle-of-the-road condos, doesn’t necessarily mean we should. It’s nice to settle into a Stella Artois once in a while, Guelph. Keep it up.

Montreal: There’s always a hot, sorta trashy looking 40-something floating around. Well, tonight is no different. Of the two table bottles, one was hers, and the other was the other five’s to split. And, well, look who’s first on the dance floor! Odds are, those heels will be off in about 10 minutes; since the red wine and vodka-crans are taking their toll. It’s that or a broken ankle. By the end of the night, this one’s going to be belligerent, vomiting, or some weirdly promiscuous combination of the two.

Sorry Montreal, I’m not buying that a big recession in unit sales in 2013 was a fluke. Among the big three markets, Montreal’s prices are the lowest, but affordability is still a concern. With large inventories, developers are probably feeling a little loose too. Expect that they may have to further incentivise pre-construction buying, which’ll continue to curb price growth, which has shrunk year-over-year, since 2010. Montreal might be a fun night for an 18-year old, but the long-term prospects aren’t stellar.

For some markets, the honeymoon might be over. I think we’ll have a better sense sometime in mid-2015. In the meantime, settle in and have a drink. Most markets are going to be fine. Especially around here.